In Provo years, I got married fairly old. Having gone to BYU for four and a half years without finding “the one” put me into a category of “been there, done that.” By the time I met J.M. I had FULLY experienced the BYU single life. Several times before, I had been swept off my feet with gifts, flowers, and romantic dates. However, many of those relationships ended poorly. I realized that after the sugar coating of romance was over, I was left with someone that was not compatible.
J.M. was different. There were never roses at my doorstep, or frivolous gifts and definitely never any pricey romantic dates. But I fell for him. Why? J.M. was about being there for me, and loving me. Not constantly sending me flowers or taking me on expensive dates. So I guess you could say that I fell in love with him because he was REAL.
However, now I am in a REAL bind because I am waiting for those flowers to show up and a nice romantic date to come my way. I guess I am still, after all of these years, chasing that romantic fantasy. And well, J.M. just doesn’t have a clue. How can I ask for romance now when I knew this wasn’t his thing?
The first time I asked for a romantic date was just after we were married. Excited about my surprise date, I made sure I dressed up really nice and was looking my best, certain I would soon be dining in a quaint and beautiful restaurant with a view. Well the fantasy quickly was shattered as I noticed J.M. loading sleeping bags and a tent into our truck. Yeah, J.M. thought it would be romantic to go camping in the middle of October. FREEZING….to say the least. Let’s just say, I wasn’t overly thrilled. But I can say my poor husband was at least trying to think of me. He knew I loved to camp and thought I would be thrilled with the idea. I probably would have if he hadn’t called it a romantic date.
So here we are approaching our fifth anniversary and I am again asking for my husband to sweep me off my feet. Unsure again what I want, he keeps asking me the question…”what is romantic?” I fear I am not seeing the whole picture. What is romance?
Upon the recent death of President Hinckley, I came across a quote that he said that put me into my place. He states,
“In my judgment, the real essence of happiness in marriage lies not so much in romance as in an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion.”
-President Gordon B. Hinckley
I realized that I should be totally satisfied with the abundance of loving things J.M. does for me. J.M. is always going out of his way to make my life easier. He truly does have an “anxious concern for the comfort and well-being” of me. And I guess that is REAL romance.
So maybe for now he is off the hook. However, I have no problem throwing out hints that I love tulips and quaint restaurants with a view….wink…wink.
what a lovely picture!! you guys look so happy!! All the best, and God Bless your family!
I can totally relate. And I know that if I had to chose again I would still go for the guy that shows me every day in the little things (helping me out, telling me he loves me, calling me for no reason) You are a great writer, April. And thanks again for the info about the Jane Austen movies. I have LOVED watching those!
April, pick the restaraunt now, book it and have a wonderful time together. (Tell us where you go) It is hard enough for couples to find the time, find a sitter and the money to go out. But tulips shouldn’t be too much to ask.